


The Darkness Inside

by jeffsgoldenbloom



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Inner Dialogue, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-18 14:22:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3572879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeffsgoldenbloom/pseuds/jeffsgoldenbloom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This little story is a snippet of what was going on with Rumple before the Spell of Shattered Sight and Ingrid’s death took place. This is not a happy piece.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Darkness Inside

**Author's Note:**

> I started working on this last year, wasn't going to post it, but something made me finish it tonight. I feel like it takes place about 4x06-4x08.

_You are a weak man Rumplestilskin. You are nothing. You **need** me. You need me because I have the power and you don’t. You are a pathetic peasant who is nothing without me. Keep the real dagger and lie to your foolish little wife. She thinks she knows who she married. She thinks she knows the REAL you. Well no one knows the real you. I am the only one who knows what you really are. A COWARD. A spineless, weak, crippled, coward. You are NOTHING without me. NOTHING!_

Rumplestiltskin woke with a gasp as he realized where he was. _I’m in bed. I’m safe_. He swallowed the bile that had risen in his throat as he silently but shakily pushed the covers away from his body. His pajamas were drenched in sweat, his hair sticking to his face. Belle groaned as she reached out to his side of the bed. Rumplestiltskin reached out to caress her face before silently making his way to their bathroom. Flicking the light switch on, he rested his hands on the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. The haggard, sleep-starved man who stared back at him did nothing to ease his current state. The new gray hairs that had shown up since Ingrid and the hat’s appearance in Storybrooke hadn’t gone unnoticed by both him and Belle. The only difference was that Belle liked it--he did not. It reminded him of how old he was. With a sigh, he reached for the handle on the sink and cupped his hands underneath the cold water. As he brought his hands to his face, the cool water temporarily calmed the fire that was taking place inside of him. Thoughts tumbled around in Rumplestiltskin’s mind, doing little to ease his distress. _If only I were strong enough to free myself of this curse. I can’t be without my power. I need it. But I also need Belle. There **has** to be a way to have both. I can’t do it. I can’t!_ His thoughts took a darker turn immediately, as he began to berate himself internally. _You  STUPID, WEAK MAN!!! It’s only a silly little dagger! How can you be so attached to it when you have Belle, the best thing that has ever happened to you?!_ Rumplestiltskin clenched the edges of the counter and looked back up at himself in the mirror. _If I don’t get rid of this dagger, if I don’t break the curse, Belle will leave me. Just like everything else good in my life._ He could feel the tears forming in his eyes as his bottom lip began to tremble. He quickly lowered his gaze from the mirror, not able to look at himself anymore. When would he be strong enough to separate himself from the dagger? He needed the power though. Without it, how could anyone take him seriously? Belle would surely leave him if she saw him for the sad, sorry man he truly was. He brushed away the few tears that had made their way down his face and turned out the light to the bathroom. Before climbing back into bed, he paused, watching Belle sleep peacefully. His stomach lurched, the guilt of his lies making him nauseous. _She is truly the only light in my life._ Rumple looked on for a few moments, finding himself tearing up again. He climbed back into the bed and turned so that he was facing Belle. _Maybe one day we’ll have true happiness._ However, that day was not today.

 

 


End file.
